I have tried to write this post several times but I just can't seem to get things down quite right.
I am just so excited about things right now.
The last few years have not been easy. I can't be 100% grateful for the tough things that I have had to go through. I have really had to dig really deep to cope with things in my life. But if because of all those things I have become stronger and a better person then I am grateful to God for carrying me through.
I have never really know what I wanted to do with my life. I always love drawing and telling stories. From a very early age I have wanted to be married and have children. When it came to my final year of school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I applied to become a nurse but did have enough credits (or whatever they call it) to get in and they closed the nursing school that year. There was no one to marry and there was nothing I really felt I could pursue. I decided on taking a year off to do all things I loved to do. I painted, played my guitar and sewed. It was great but I still was looking for my calling. I was looking for my purpose. It was during this time that I fell in love with this really cute guy. Not just in a 'oh he looks nice' kind of way but I just knew I was meant to marry him.
We got married 18 months later a month before my 20th Birthday. A few months into our marriage and thinks got really intense. I learned just what I was willing to fight for and I learned a bit about myself but I also prayed for help a lot. Not many people believed me when I tried to get help and that was really difficult. I learned that I am not ever responsible for the actions of another person. It is not my fault and I am not the cause of someone else's behaviour.
I became a mommy when I was 22. It was the best day of my life. A beautiful baby girl. We sold our house a few months later and moved to New Zealand. We coped on our own for 3 years and in that time had another little girl who had silent reflux. It almost drove me crazy. when she was 8 weeks old I was at the end of my rope. Either there was something wrong with me or there was something up with my baby. When she was diagnosed and given medication things improved greatly. It was around this time that we had quite a few prophetic words spoken over us. From where I was standing I could see none of it. I could not see how God would do any of these things. In those 3 years I had a miscarriage and then fell pregnant with our 3rd daughter. We moved closer to family when I was 20weeks pregnant with her.
She was born a healthy 9lbs 2oz later that year an full 8 days late. At 3 months old she was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. For 8 weeks she wore a harness that kept her legs in a froggy position. Fortunately it was only for 8 weeks and she was rolling and doing funny little things in no time at all.
When she was 10 months I found out that we were expecting our 4th little baby. My family was complete. 4 little girls and a marriage that was really good. What I had always wanted and still do. I would not give it up for anything. There was always something missing though. What was I meant to do once my children were grown and out the house. What was my calling? I was happy if motherhood was it but I had this constant pull that there was even more. I felt not to discard the words spoke over me and my husband.
I started trying to find my place. I may have done it wrong so many times. I chose things I was really not any good at and I had so many things I was carrying on my shoulders. I just couldn't sit and do nothing. I felt called to something big. There were a few things I did right though.
This process so far has been painful and stressful and I am sure that the future won't be all peaches and cream. I know that to live is to learn but I really look forward to it anyway.
As of this moment I am feeling so blessed. I really feel like I have taken a step into my call. I can look ahead and make that 5 year plan.
God uses what the small things you have to do great things. He will always multiply the meager and heal the diseased things,
I am now an author about to publish her first book (this Blog) and working on drawings for an Adult Colouring Book. I have three of my Blog posts published or due to be published in 2 different books and one of my drawings is on the cover of The Word For You Today. 25 000 copies have been mailed out to the whole of New Zealand.
When I think back I look forward to what is to come. The process brought me this far and I know that God will use the next season's process to take me further. I am so in awe and so thankful that God loves me and that He has called me to this new and exciting season.
God will use a process for you too. He will shape your character and strengthen your foundations so that you are prepared for what He has called you to do. Trust Him. He is faithful and trustworthy and really knows what He is doing. He will be with you in the dark and He will help you to switch on the light and He will be with you through the mess and He will celebrate every success with you. In your life you cannot out Party God. He loves you so much and delights in you so much.
I can just see Him right now when I got my copies in my letterbox of the books with my cover on, dancing and clapping His hands seeing how excited I was and still am.