Yes I know this is a very strange title and scripture. I am going to write a bit about birth and what I experienced when I had my 4 babies and how that applies to what I am going through now and what I feel some of you are going through now.
I have 4 daughters and had 3 of them without any painkillers but for my first I did have a bit of pain before I had an epidural and even then I could feel the contractions faintly. I will spare you all the gory details but I was reflecting on this this week.
I have felt like quitting what I am doing right now. I have asked God to use me and now that He is and I am about to "birth" something new in my spiritual life I want to quit. The exact same thing happened when I was in a transition in labour with each of my girls. Baby was just a few minutes away from being born it was all going to be over very soon and I was going to feel the joy of meeting my little baby. However I had this irrational thought to get up and walk out that hospital. There was no going back at this point but I had gotten to a point where I felt I just couldn't do it.
The words "I can't do it let's just go home" came out of my mouth between contractions but it was those around me who encouraged me to keep going and I said a little prayer and I think I prayed in tongues too for extra measure. Something rose up in me and I resolved to push through (pun intended). I pushed through and very soon after baby was in my arms.
I have had some many dreams of being pregnant or birthing and as some of you know dreams about being pregnant or giving birth is about a new ministry or new thing that God is bringing into your life.
I asked God why I was feeling like quitting. Should I quit and if not what am I to do about this?
This is the answer I have been getting through the week and on Sunday at church through the messages that were shared at both our services.
First question was why do I want to quit? The answer, because it is about comfort. I want to quit so that I can go back to being just stay at home mum and housewife when life was more comfortable than it is now. This is interesting because I really felt that why I was just a SAHM and Housewife that there was more to my life. Being a mum and a wife are very important but I felt God was saying I had a capacity for more.
Motherhood is great and so is being a wife. They have their challenges but I am now other things too. I have grown and been stretched. But now it is time for a new wine skin and to extend the tent pegs.
Labour is painful and it is at it's worst right before the baby is born. What I am saying is that if you feel like quitting maybe it is because you are tired and in pain and feel like you can't go on but that is because you are almost there. You may just be one last push away or one last step away from seeing the fruit of your labour.
We need to see beyond the here and now and see the more that God has for us.
So the answer to the next question "what am I to do?" I am not going to quit. I am actually quite excited to see what is around the next corner. I am going to press on a little bit longer until the anguish gives way to joy because of the new thing birthed in my life.