Things have by no means become easier and I still have my tough days and I still get grumpy and upset but the good days far outweigh the these bad days.
I am getting something put on my heart. I am yet to add definition to it but it is slowly taking form. God is giving me a heart for the lost.
I find myself stopped and looking out over my town (we live on top of a hill and can see for miles) people going home from work. Lights shining. What are these people doing? How are they feeling right now? Do they know my GOD? Do they feel his presence? How do they cope without Him? What are we Christian's doing with our lives? Our time? Our inheritance?
I stop and look at people's faces. Are you a Christian? What ales you? Do you need prayer?
Is God speaking to me to pray for this person or is it my own thoughts? How do I know if it is God and not just me thinking that God is telling me? Do I go out and lay hands on strangers for their healing on some whim? Is it God? God do you hear me? Do I hear you?
All these questions. I weep. I cry for these people who are filling their lives with things that do not matter. Crying out for help but not believing God is the one to help them.
It is like they are drowning but refusing the Lifeguard.
I feel more and more that I need to get on my knees, read my Bible, know God more so that I may know His voice and do what He is telling me without doubt. Without hesitation.
The time is now. No more when and if this and one day. NOW! Can we not see the urgency. Earthquakes, Tornados, Cyclones, Volcanos, Wars.... Flights delayed, lives lost. When are we going to rise up and stand up for what we believe. Why can we not see that it is not about us and our agenda. How we are feeling right now about how Christian we are has got nothing to do with what God has called us to do. He has chosen us for such a time as this! Not in 10 years time when life is simpler and we have a degree or have read the Bible cover to cover and God has finished His work in our lives and we have achieved some state of perfection.
No one is perfect let's face it. Sorry to say but perfection is our greatest downfall. We want to be the perfect Christian first. We spend so much time waiting for change, waiting for that amgic moment, the magic formula to be what God has called us to be. We hop from conference to conference soaking in God's word like a sponges but all we end up is soggy and smelly. No good to anyone. It is time now to squeeze out our sponge on the Nations of the world. All the disciples waited for was the Holy Spirit and out they went.
I have this very heavy feeling in my heart. I look around and think about these questions and I hold the keys but I have a problem I cannot put my finger on. Am I lazy? Am I ashamed? Shy? What makes me so apprehensive? We haven't got time for this. If we don't step out and obey God we are in deep trouble. Someone needs healing, someone needs to hear from God and here we sit in our cushy homes, our warm blankets, fridge full of food.... there isn't anything wrong with having all these things but there is something very wrong with having so much yet giving so little. We become a sponge and leech. Sucking the church dry and not adding to the Kingdom. Shame on us. You have been blessed with much. When do we stop consuming and start sharing our news. Instead we live as if we have not heard the good news. As if we have not been given the greatest gift ever. We go through our everyday without even mentioning to anyone that we are Christian without sharing the greatest story ever told. What is wrong with us. When a beautiful sparkling clear pond becomes stagnant it stinks. Do we want to stink or do we want to actually do something.
No one is guaranteed tomorrow so what are we waiting for? Tomorrow a soul will go to Hell or today a soul will be destined for Heaven. Which would you prefer?
I pray that God will help me identify this road block, this obstacle that prevents me from sharing my testimony with others. I want to recognise His voice and do what I am told. I don't want to miss another opportunity.