Quitting When You Need to Push

John 16:21  It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world.

Yes I know this is a very strange title and scripture. I am going to write a bit about birth and what I experienced when I had my 4 babies and how that applies to what I am going through now and what I feel some of you are going through now.

I have 4 daughters and had 3 of them without any painkillers but for my first I did have a bit of pain before I had an epidural and even then I could feel the contractions faintly. I will spare you all the gory details but I was reflecting on this this week.

I have felt like quitting what I am doing right now. I have asked God to use me and now that He is and I am about to "birth" something new in my spiritual life I want to quit. The exact same thing happened when I was in a transition in labour with each of my girls. Baby was just a few minutes away from being born it was all going to be over very soon and I was going to feel the joy of meeting my little baby. However I had this irrational thought to get up and walk out that hospital. There was no going back at this point but I had gotten to a point where I felt I just couldn't do it.

The words "I can't do it let's just go home" came out of my mouth between contractions but it was those around me who encouraged me to keep going and I said a little prayer and I think I prayed in tongues too for extra measure. Something rose up in me and I resolved to push through (pun intended). I pushed through and very soon after baby was in my arms.

I have had some many dreams of being pregnant or birthing and as some of you know dreams about being pregnant or giving birth is about a new ministry or new thing that God is bringing into your life.

I asked God why I was feeling like quitting. Should I quit and if not what am I to do about this?
This is the answer I have been getting through the week and on Sunday at church through the messages that were shared at both our services.

First question was why do I want to quit? The answer, because it is about comfort. I want to quit so that I can go back to being just stay at home mum and housewife when life was more comfortable than it is now. This is interesting because I really felt that why I was just a SAHM and Housewife that there was more to my life. Being a mum and a wife are very important but I felt God was saying I had a capacity for more.

Motherhood is great and so is being a wife. They have their challenges but I am now other things too. I have grown and been stretched. But now it is time for a new wine skin and to extend the tent pegs.

Labour is painful and it is at it's worst right before the baby is born. What I am saying is that if you feel like quitting maybe it is because you are tired and in pain and feel like you can't go on but that is because you are almost there. You may just be one last push away or one last step away from seeing the fruit of your labour.

We need to see beyond the here and now and see the more that God has for us.

So the answer to the next question "what am I to do?" I am not going to quit. I am actually quite excited to see what is around the next corner. I am going to press on a little bit longer until the anguish gives way to joy because of the new thing birthed in my life.

Sing With Your Heart

“Be still, and know that I am God!

    I will be honored by every nation.

    I will be honored throughout the world.”

Psalm 46:10 

A photo I took of the clouds 'Open Heaven'

The dreaded flu. That is what I have had for the last three weeks. This is also the reason why I have not written anything in the last three weeks. Even though all I could do for two of those weeks was type as I had lost my voice. I couldn't even sing which was probably the worst of it.

I love talking to people and I love singing. Two of my most favourite things to do. I went to a conference on the second week of being sick. I was sick yes but I had no fever and had already missed out on the retreat for a course I am doing so I didn't want to miss this.

I could not talk to people very well and so that meant I didn't really get to make new friends and meet new people (insert sad face here). Also Christian conference called Shout and I had to whisper throughout it Oh No! I love to worship and sing but I could not sing a word. My singing voice was completely gone. Tragic. But this is what I discovered.

My passion comes out of my mouth. When I sing a song I think about the lyrics and I mean every word I sing. There is an amazing thing that happens in the atmosphere when we worship in spirit and truth. When our voices go out into the air. The presence of God inhabits our praises.

When I was unable to sing  (I still am battling a little) there was something else that happened deep within me. The passion didn't come from my heart and out of my mouth but it came from my heart and welled out of my eyes. I cried with passion. I couldn't express my love for my Saviour with my voice but I was still able to worship.

I was still and knew who my Father is. I was still and knew that He was near. I was still and and yet He came and touched my life.

I felt so blessed during that week. Yes it was frustrating being unable to sing but it is something I could so easily take for granted and I was grateful that God showed me through this time that worshiping is not about a good singing voice but an attitude of the heart.

You don't have to be great at playing an instrument or singing to worship God with all your heart. You just need a heart that is sold out for God. Willing to honor and serve Him in every area of your life including how you worship Him.

I see many people who don't sing in church. Whatever their reasons are I pray they do start to open their mouths and let their hearts out to worship. There were a few deaf people at the conference and being deaf did not stop them from singing. They signed the words which I thought was really beautiful and sang whether they were good at it or not. I had no voice but I tried to sing a bit even though I couldn't hit all the notes and sometimes nothing came out at all but when I had to be silent my heart still sang.

What is your reason for being silent? When you don't sing is it because your heart too is not singing? Throw yourself into worshiping God because He is worthy of all the praise. Anyone who knows Jesus and has Him as Saviour over their lives has something to sing about. Don't forget what you have been saved from and who saved you from it. Don't forget Who's you are. You are the child of the one true King. He gave you a voice and when you use it darkness runs and hides. Your voice is a blessing don't take it for granted.

This Means War

Ephesians 6:12

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Have you ever had a time when you were simply minding your own business when all of a sudden something comes and completely catches you off guard? Your life is chugging along nicely but out of the blue depression hits or you get attacked by the lies of the enemy. Words are spoken and suddenly things seem really unfair and the world unkind. Your thoughts about yourself are no longer uplifting and you cannot keep things together as you did before.

The enemy has you just where he wants you. He wants you in the defensive position where your armour is only good for deflecting his arrows. He actually wants you to take off that armour, throw it away and give up in defeat.

He wants you to fight with your friends. He wants you to to listen to gossip and pull people apart because when he gets what he wants he causes division. He knows that when 2 or 3 are gathered in Jesus' name Jesus is there. He wants you alone, on your own and powerless and defeated. 

He is a strategist and opportunist and is out to destroy you because you make him scared just by getting up in the morning. 

In Ephesians 6:12 we are told that our fight is not against flesh and blood but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against might powers in this dark world and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

My fight is not against human beings. My fight is not physical but spiritual.

Now imagine this. You get up in the morning and the first thing you say is "Good morning God" You have a conversation with Jesus before you talk to anyone else. You make Him your priority. You suit up with the full armour of God and you read your Bible because you know it is a strong weapon against the enemy. You don't do this because you have to but because you want to and because talking to Jesus and having Him speak to you is the greatest wonder in all creation. The very presence of God would bring every man to his knees, unable to speak other than to worship Him. I thought that if I worshiped more intensely or pressed in harder or read my Bible more then I would get spiritual enough to feel God's presence. His power would come over me and overwhelm me. This does happen sometimes and I love it when the Holy Spirit falls upon me but what I love and desire the most is Jesus to be my friend and you know what Jesus wants that too. He wants to talk to me and have me talk to Him. What we usually do is come with a list of complaints, monologues about our day and what is bothering us which isn't bad, God isn't surprised by these things. He knows what you are going through but He wants to do some talking too. It is when we listen to His voice and get to know His voice that we become stronger. John 10:27 says "My sheep know my voice, I hear them and they Follow Me" 

When we know God's voice then we can tell when it is Him speaking to us or the enemy. Whatever voice you listen to the most, is the one you will know more and the more you know it, the more you will follow it. 

God should be the one directing your path. He won't direct you down a defensive path but down the offensive path. Where you are the one waging war on the enemy. You have the upper hand. I am so over being the one bullied. I don't want to be left reeling after an attack, blindly wondering what happened. That is not the life God has for me and it isn't the one He has for you either. Overwhelming victory is ours Romans 8:37

We fight for what we love. We wage war against the enemy who is lying to people everywhere. 

Adam and Eve were lied to. They took their eyes off God for a moment and believed the lie of the enemy. They listened to that cunning voice. 

Because of Jesus, we are armed for the battle. The very same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of us and when we realise just how powerful God is and how powerful we are because we are His sons and daughters we are a force to be reckoned with.

So today do not fall for the ploy of the enemy. Today stand firm in the fact that the battle has already been won. You have the victory already. No one can take it away from you unless you let down your guard and freely give it away.

Nehemiah 14:15-17 says

¹⁵ When our enemies heard that we knew of their plans and that God had frustrated them, we all returned to our work on the wall. ¹⁶ But from then on, only half my men worked while the other half stood guard with spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. The leaders stationed themselves behind the people of Judah ¹⁷ who were building the wall. The laborers carried on their work with one hand supporting their load and one hand holding a weapon.

When we know the enemies plan God will frustrate them. Have friends who will stand by you and pray for you and who are armed and ready to fight for you and cover your back. Support your leaders because they are watching your back. Have your tools in one hand and your weapon in the other so that you will be ready.

Jesus even told His disciples in Luke 22:36 that if they did not have a sword they were to sell their garments to buy one. 

You need to be ready for battle. Don’t be blind-sided again. Check your blind spot regularly. Follow Jesus and He will send you a warning if you will just hear His voice and obey it.

Spring Has Come

Song of Songs 2:10-13 
My lover said to me,
    “Rise up, my darling!
    Come away with me, my fair one!
11 Look, the winter is past,
    and the rains are over and gone.
12 The flowers are springing up,
    the season of singing birds has come,
    and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.
13 The fig trees are forming young fruit,
    and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.
Rise up, my darling!
    Come away with me, my fair one!”


I am a Spring baby. I love the season of the new. Fruit blossoms on the trees and daffodils and green leaves. New life.

Winter and I are not good friends. Only thing I like about winter is snuggling up in a nice warm bed, Hot Chocolate and marshmallows. The rain and wind and cold are not nice. For three months it is as though there is no colour and everything has gone to sleep. Currently I am fighting a cold and that is another reason why winter is not nice. Germs. Heaps of germs. My four daughters don't believe in getting sick all at once over the weekend. They instead think that taking turns is far more clever and during the week when Mum has work to do is even better. Autumn was the tummy bug season and you guessed it. One at a time for a couple of weeks and I got it too! It is enough to make any mother to scream "Spring and Summer come back!"

A lot of us have seasons in our lives. Not the natural seasons of our planet but internal seasons of our heart. We are sick and tired and hibernating. We wait and wait for the light Spring to come and break us out of our dark Winter.

Winter can grow us and make us stronger. When we go through storms and trials and we rely on God to help us through we become stronger. We rid ourselves of things that do not belong in our lives. When we look to God during the Winter months we focus less on ourselves and our situation.
Winter is good for us because it grows our faith that there is hope. Spring always comes after Winter. That is the hope of Winter. There will be Spring.

Spring is the time when new things wake up and things are birthed. Spring is the season of activating what was incubated during Winter.

The enemy wants to keep you in Winter. He knows if you stay in Winter too long you will lose hope and that which you are incubating will not reach full potential and will not be activated in your life.
When we lose hope we lose vision and we become bitter.

But God! God is calling you into Spring. He is calling you to activate that which you have grown in faith and trust in Him and what He has been working in your life.

He is calling you, His beloved, to awake and rise up. Hear the birds singing their dawn chorus. See the blossoms on the trees. Can you not see that rain is gone and the newness of Spring is bursting from the ground.

What is it that you have buried deep within? What are the things that you have heard God speaking into your heart during your Winter season? Are you hearing God calling your name and waking you up? He is calling you out and showing you that clear, snow free, path.

I can hear Jesus saying "Follow Me" and my response "I will follow you wherever you will lead me"

Say yes to Jesus today and throw off the things of Winter and see what exciting things God is going to do this Spring.

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More Than Meets the Eye

1 Samuel 16:7  But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

As humans we put a lot of value on what people look like. What they wear, how many piercings and tattoos they have or we see how fat or thin someone is. We look at the outside appearance and assume that we know exactly what a person is like.

We assume that someone wearing the latest fashion, perfectly coloured hair, straight, white teeth and a perfect body is someone to look up to. We assume that a homeless person who is wearing shoes that could hold a conversation and a beanie on his greasy unwashed head is lazy and should just get off the street and earn a living like the rest of society.

We assume that a businessman is rich and happy, We assume a mom that stays at home with her kids does nothing all day and does nothing to contribute to the family finances and we assume a working mom doesn't care about her kids and would rather work and make parenting their own child someone else's problem.

We assume so much by what people do for a living and by what they wear.

In 1 Samuel 16 it tells about how God sent Samuel to anoint the the next king of Israel. Samuel looked at David's brothers and saw that they were all tall, strapping lads and looked like Kings but God told Samuel not to look at the outside appearance.

When God sees each of us He sees right past what we do and our appearance and He sees our heart and who He created us to be.
God created David to be a King but God saw that this man was a man after His own heart. He saw that David loved deeply. All everyone else saw was a little boy but God knew better.

We all need to start seeing others as Jesus sees them. He looks deep inside beyond all the layers of appearance, hate, insecurity and hopelessness and sees so much more. Just as when you look into the night sky and only see a few stars. It is only when you zoom in with a very strong telescope that begin to see galaxies, planets and moons.

When you come across someone today who you have never met and you see their appearance, stop and look deeper and ask God how He sees them.

That stylish woman with perfect hair and teeth is probably going through a life that is very far from perfect and although she may look perfect on the outside she my be very lonely and in need of a friend who will love her no matter what secrets she is holding captive inside.
The homeless man may have looked for a job many times but he gets looked down on for his appearance.

How do we treat people? Those who are different, do we treat them with love and acceptance for them as a unique God created human being or do we judge first by appearance?

God sees the heart and I am glad for it because if God judged me by appearance I wouldn't stand a chance. But because He has created me and formed me and knows me He sees who I am. He knows what I am going through. He is a personal God who cares about my heart and He cares about yours.

But most of all He cares about the heart of the unlovely. There is more to a person than meets the eye.



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Oh How He Loves You

Romans 5:8  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us

Today we remember what Christ did for us on the cross. We remember how God so loved us that He sent His only Son to dies for us.

My Jesus knew all that I would do wrong. He didn't wait until I had it all together to mend the relationship between me and the Father. He has washed me clean and made me pure by His blood.
He didn't not question the Father and mention my sin and dirty soul. He did not say He could not die for me because of all I have done wrong. He didn't even take pity upon me and die just to save from my sins. He died because He loved me. He died because He wanted me to be with Him. Sin separated me from God and it grieved Him. It grieved my God that I was so far from Him.

I did not realise that I was lost and separated. Adam and Eve knew what it was like to have a relationship with God and walk with Him in the cool of the evening. But they also knew what it was like to be separated and rent from the fellowship of their God.
Oh what a gift and what a blessing to be loved so much by the Creator of all things.

He loves you and died for you too. He wants to have a relationship with you. You do not have to be perfect first. He loves you. The only thing He sees when He looks at you is who He created you to be. He sees past it all because it was all paid for, you just need to accept the gift.

Jesus died on the cross but the good news is that He rose again, victorious. Death no longer has a hold on you. You have freedom in Christ. Freedom to be all you have been created and called to be.

I know we all have fears. We are scared of things that are greater than what we feel capable of doing.
The truth is that Jesus goes before us and prepares the way. When you go down a road with obstacles He doesn't move the branch to get through and then let it swing back and hit you in the face, but He clears the way. When Moses came to the Red Sea it parted and didn't close until all of God's people were safely across.
When we don't put our toe in the water we will never see the waters parted. If we don't follow Jesus then we will not see what He is leading us to. We stop short of what we perceive is impossible. Fear grips us and we turn back too soon or we choose not to hear God's voice calling us.

Fear is only a door to freedom. Yes new things are scary. We would rather have the comfortable and manageable over the risky and stretching discomfort. But when we do this we miss out on so much. We miss out on what Jesus is just about to show us. We miss out on miracles, signs and wonders. We miss out on our calling.

We need not fear because perfect love drives out fear and that love comes from God.
1 John 4:18

Bad Stuff Happens

Psalm 23:4  Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Why does God allow bad things to happen?

Every good and perfect thing comes from the Father. James 1:17  The enemy is the one that comes to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10

God doesn't allow bad things to happen to us. He definitely doesn't send them.

What about Job? you ask.
God said to satan, "Have you considered my servant Job?" Job 1:8
God knew the stuff that Job was made of and He knew that Job would make it through and it wasn't like God was going to let him go through it without Him.

Bad things happen because we live in a fallen world and because this world has freedom of choice. God doesn't override a person't choice. He wants us to love Him by our own choice not because and All Powerful God demands it. So a lot of the time God doesn't stop bad things from happening although He is capable. He understands better than we do. We see our current sufferings and troubles but He sees our victory. We do not understand death. We don't understand life and we don't understand or know our Father when wee go through suffering and hard times.

My Father says He will never leave me or forsake me. He is always with me. Even when I go through the valley of the shadow of death. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters, restores my soul, leads me in paths of righteousness. He prepares a table for me in front of my enemies. He anoints me and I overflow. He doesn't give me just enough He gives me more than enough.

When I die and go from this earth, I will go to a better place. We do not see death as a victory. Let me explain. It is like when we die and we reach our reward which is Heaven and wee meet our Father face to face we can say "Haha! You thought you had me satan. You thought you had won. I suffered but I pulled close to God and turned to Him. I died but now I see my Father. You do not have me."

When we suffer and are in trouble it hurts and we complain and let everyone know how bad wee have it. We speak as though we are doomed to our suffering but what we forget is that because of Who's we are we already have the Victory. Look outside of your mind and this world and your limited understanding.

No one likes suffering but when you do, squeeze the living daylights out of it and force it to yield good fruit. Draw close to God and focus all your attention on Him. He is your ever present help.
He cannot help you when you are focusing on your suffering. Look up and out. When God is for you, who or what can be against you?

My Bible says "Though I WALK THROUGH the valley. It doesn't say though God makes me sit in this valley to teach me a lesson. NO!!
He is always with me through the valley and I do not fear evil because He is with me.

God doesn't allow us to go through trials and suffering to teach us and grow us or teach us a lesson.

One of three things will happen when you go through suffering.
1) You will learn nothing
2) You will learn something about yourself
3) You will learn more about your Father

1) Your sufferings aren't there to teach you or grow you. Bad stuff happens it is the way of a fallen world. It comes from choices being made and the consequences of them. You can go through suffering and come out unchanged. Not always but sometimes you can suffer and not grow or learn anything from it. I can get the flu or get stung by a bee but it profits me nothing once I have gone through that bit of pain and suffering.

2) You will learn something about yourself or you may become self absorbed or self-focused. "Oh look what I am going through" and we play a negative dialogue. Not only will you learn about yourself and how pitiful you think you are but what you learn will be distorted. A bit like looking in those wonky mirrors. If we look at ourselves through our suffering all we will see is a distorted image of ourselves.

3) You learn about your Father. When your focus is on God and we look at ourselves through how God sees us and our suffering we have clarity. We need to speak the truth over our situations and ourselves. "God is always with me. Even in my suffering. I walk through it but not alone. He sees my victory and I trust Him"
We then learn the goodness of God and our identity in Him. But we should be learning this everyday and not just when we suffer.

We need to learn this and draw so close to God and be so Christlike and filled that when we are squeezed only Jesus comes out. Nothing can harm me Jesus is here.

The other day I was having a really bad start to the day and I was starting to focus on all that was wrong with my day. I focused on what an awful mother I was and just such a pathetic excuse for a Christian. I felt like giving up and this is what the enemy wanted. He wanted me to be in this place of pity and self doubt, focused only on my current sufferings. But then I stopped and thought for a minute about what God had taught me about who I was to Him and how I needed to focus on Him and not my terrible day. All I wanted to do was wallow in my self pity but that had never accomplished anything before so I decided I would try it God's way and think of myself and my suffering less and draw close to God. He met me and helped me out of the grey cloud of despair I had wandered into when I had shifted my focus. I need to decrease so that He can increase in my life. That doesn't mean the bad stuff is going to go away but it does mean I have more power on my side and I have the satisfying victory badges when I rely on God to help me conquer the things that come my way.