Making Mistakes

Psalm 37:24

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

    for the Lord holds them by the hand.


I have not posted in a long while. Some of the reason is that I have been busy but the main reason is that at this time of the year from September to December I think about my life and what needs to change and what I need to stop doing.

So yes I took a bit of a break while I thought on these things.

2016 will be a very different year but I do feel I am stepping into something really good. The last 2 years have been really crazy. I have been trying to figure out where I fit and what God wants me to do and all I have been feeling is pushed from one corner to the other without making any head-way.

This year I spent most of my time on my art. I studied through Inflame Ministries through their Creative Arts Program. They have two streams, Songwriting and Painting. Although I have been a singer all my life, have written a few simple songs and play the guitar with a small amount of effort, I have also been very expressive with pencil and paper and had enjoyed watercolour paint. I decided after having painted a watercolour from a vision I had and having had a radical confirmation of this vision and painting that I might actually have something there that needs to be looked into and maybe developed.

One of the main things I have learned over the last year is about mistakes. I have learned that in my life I have learned more from making mistakes than from trying to be perfect and not make any mistakes.

I have always tried to impress and be liked through perfection and never ever making a mistake.
Mistakes are frowned upon in our culture. The consequences of making a mistake is usually met with guilt and shame rather than an opportunity to learn and experiment.

The other day I was driving and made a mistake and went over the speed limit by 7ks. Ordinarily when I realise I am going to fast I immediately slow down but this time it didn't help for as soon as I realised a Policeman had put his lights on and motioned for me to pull over. School Zone and that means zero tolerance.
I sat there as he went to go print out the ticket and I thought about my nice clean driving record which was now gone. I had so much pride in it and now after a mistake I had lost it. I now have to wait two years to get a fresh start. I cried because I realised the pressure I had put on myself never to make a mistake.
Having made this mistake and being disciplined for it made me more aware of my speed and where I am driving. I would not want anyone else to be driving over the speed limit near a school my children go to.

How does this translate to art? Well art is all about making mistakes. Art is not about being perfect from day one. It is about learning through mistakes.

The only way my art improved was when I embraced the mistakes and worked with them. Erasers are the worst thing for an artist to have lying around. I am trying to teach my art and craft kids to not care about erasing a mistake but to rather take that mistake and work it into their work.

And that is the way it is in life. God doesn't save us from making mistakes but He uses these mistakes to help us learn from them and to grow into more mature and disciplined people.

In order for my art to improve I had to practice everyday. Everyday I made mistakes and instead of letting those mistakes discourage me I used them to improve and grow my knowledge. Playing it safe didn't do my artwork any good. By not allowing myself to make mistakes and expecting a standard of art that I had not spent any time practicing left me art stuck. I was unsettled with the level my art was at and I had no clue how to improve it. Until this year where I was taught A) how to see and B) to not care about too much about what I put down on paper.

We get better at life and whatever we put our hands to when we take a risk and do it and love it no matter how it turns out.

If you feel this is you, That you have been living the safe life and been in fear of making a mistake, then I challenge you to step out and do something small and just out of your comfort zone and if you make a mistake, embrace it and take another step forward. Mistakes are great. Make them and live life to the full. Making a mistake does not make you a mistake.

The Question

A few years ago a question was posed that I have been thinking about again in the last few days. My answer to this question remains the same now as it did then and I was wondering how others would answer it.
This question was asked on a Theology Forum Board and the other answers on there were surprising and revealing. I also got a bit of black lash to my answer even though it was an IF question and involved personal opinion.

The question we maybe ask ourselves more often than we think and maybe not in the exact words but the underlying question is still the same.

If it was prove 100% that God does not exist would you still hold on to your faith. Would you still carry on living your life as you do now?

My answer? Yes. I would still believe and I would still carry on my life, worshiping and praying, loving my neighbour, dancing and painting. Why would I give up my whole way of living that I have lived for most of my life?

Santa, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy and all the other imaginery people in our lives I know they do not exist (I am sorry to break the news to those that do not know this) but it doesn't stop me from surprising my girls at Christmas and having them write letters to Santa. It doesn't stop me from putting $2 dollars under my toothless child's pillow nor does it stop me from buying Easter eggs that apparently was laid my a rabbit the size of a human being (I think, the story changes from house to house)

If God is not real then I have the best imaginary friend in the whole world. An friend that teaches me how to treat others and who speaks o me and comforts me during the hard times and is always there, He causes me to be a better person. I will worship Him no matter if He is as real as the ground I walk on or just a figment of my imagination.

But my God is real. He is more real than you or me. We are His imaginary friends in a way because He created us and He thought us and all Creation up and spoke and created us.

What would your answer be?

Stop and Sense the Roses

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:8-9

This month is proving to be a very jam packed month. Both my husband and I are away at different times and what with work, the kids' school, painting assignments and conferences my brain is slowly filling up with knowledge.

Last weekend I spent two days learning to see properly. It sounds a bit strange but I learned so much. I see my world differently now. Instead of only seeing a tree I see pale and dark green and shapes of each leaf, the twist and texture of the bark and the shadows that fall and the light that illuminates. I see angles of a sloping roof and the different shades in a flower. I see the silhouette of a bird in flight in the blue sky and the sun shining as a silver lining of every cloud.

When I see a face I see the shapes and rise and fall of every curve. The windows of the face revealing the deep wells of the soul.

Light illuminates form and shows up the beauty of our world.

I can't look at the world the same way I did before. The best part is that by seeing in this way my sketching has improved so much.

You see by judging a book by it's cover we miss the story inside. When we look at an insect and we call it an ant it loses it's mystery. It is an ant and from what we have learned about them in the past is what they do and how they kind of hang out together in colonies and live under the ground. When we look at this creature and really see it for the first time we will notice fine details about that creature we never saw before.

We need to start seeing deeper and wider than we have been. We are missing out by glancing at the world and not seeing it as God sees it.

We are missing the very beauty of God's creation by our business and our narrow and lazy eyes.

What else are we missing by not stopping to be still? Maybe our ears are not hearing very well. We do not understand that hearing is not an external thing but an internal once. The sound enters into your ears and onto your ear drums and sends information to your brain and from you past your brain processes what it hears and send messages to your body. Just like food enters our mouths and we taste and it nourishes so does sound, vision, sensations and scents. They all send messages to your brain about your external world.

What could we learn from life when we stop and meditate or think on the pure. lovely, honourable, lovely, true and admirable. When we stop to see what God has done and hear His voice speaking over His Creation we praise Him and He will give us peace.

We rush around in haste and busyness because we do not stop see clearly. We are going full tilt into every area of our life but we do not stop to hear the sounds around us. We do not stop to see how our Father sees or hear what our Father hears and is saying to us. We don't feel the texture of the clothes on our skin until it irritates us. Until the nails hit the chalkboard and that high pitched squeal ensues we do not hear anything. Until there is a car high-beaming and we getting annoyed we do not see. Until somethings smells like rotten fish and assaults our nostrils we do not smell.

Why is it that we only take notice of our senses when we get annoyed or uncomfortable? Maybe it is because it is far easier to keep our senses of all that is pure and lovely so dumbed down that all we end up doing is complaining and being grumpy about our discomforts.

When we value our senses and the gifts that they are we will experience His Creation in a different way. A new peaceful way of living our lives where we actually live it and not go through it limited.

It is beautiful. Every inch of it. Don't let it go by in a blur. Stop now and sense the Roses.

Sacrifice

I moved over to New Zealand 8 years ago. I moved to a first world country and for some that doesn't seem to be such a sacrifice. When people think of being called to the mission field they think of China or Africa. We still have a TV and running water from the tap and other luxuries "real" missionaries don't always have. We even have a flushing toilet (for which I am most thankful).

Does this make me any less called though?

I do not know why God didn't just leave us where we were in South Africa and use us there. I do not know why He didn't send us to Africa and China (although we may still end up there in the future). What I do know is that He sent us here to New Zealand. We heard the call and we said yes.

We never thought we would ever leave South Africa. Why would we need to leave, we had family and friends there? We had just bought a house and were about to welcome our first child into the world. We were settled and serving in a church. A small part of us decided to leave because of the crime but a large part was that we heard the call from God to leave and go to the land which He was showing us.

Stepping out was difficult but at the same time it was an adventure. God had called us and I was eager to see what He was going to do in our lives. But it came with sacrifice. I had to leave my side of the family behind and my husband left his parents behind. Not being able to be there for your sister when she was expecting her little baby boy. Not being able to comfort your brother or sister when they are having a hard time and not being able to be physically there for them is a sacrifice. It is a price I had to pay. I live in a beautiful country with wonderful people who have been there for me through the hardest times of my life and have celebrated with me through every victory and milestone. I sacrificed the familiar for the unfamiliar. I need to make things work here whereas where you have grown up you know the history and you know those you have grown up with. But hey wherever I go I will always be a stranger in a foreign land. No matter how well I learn the language and try and blend in with accents and the way I dress I am still a foreigner because my real home is with the Father. This home is only temporary.

In New Zealand we have made many many friends. Served in a few churches and supported leaders and pastors and we are still doing that today. We lead our own homegroup and we are seeing God move in the lives of those around us. We are stepping out in new areas and overcoming challenges and giants.

There was a cost. There was sacrifice. There was heartache and even today as I sit here my heart aches for my family still in South Africa who have to go through things alone. But I hand it to God. He has the best plan for all our lives and right now I am where I am meant to be. Not in China or Africa... yet but here in New Zealand with a TV and running water from a tap and a flushing toilet.

Have you weighed the cost? Do you know that there will be some form of sacrifice that you will need to offer up? Are you willing to leave family, work, friends, whatever it may be to follow where He leads you?

Listen carefully to His call. When you hear His voice calling your name, take that step and in obedience no matter the cost. There will be people who will tell you you can't do it. They will think you are crazy but do it anyway.

There is sacrifice for now but God rewards those who diligently serve Him. He rewards those who have sacrificed and paid the price.

Nothing is impossible for our God. So follow Him with your whole heart, forsaking all others.

A Lot To Be Thankful For.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

I am so incredibly blessed. I don't say this to boast but rather to acknowledge what God has done in my life.

This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it. It is so easy to get discouraged or upset and angry and to have a bad hair day. I have had quite a few of those in my life. Sometimes I just want to be left alone to mope. When nothing is going right in my life and my health isn't too great and I am feeling out of sorts it isn't easy to be happy and enjoy my day. I just want to curl into a ball and go to sleep for a week.

But God! Again He comes and takes me by the hand and rescues me and sets my feet upon the rock again.
You see I had a revelation today as I was driving in my car and listening to my favorite Christian radio station. The verse Psalm 118:24 came up, "This is the day the Lord has made and I (we) will rejoice in it"

The first part got me. This is the day that the Lord has made. That means that today is special. It isn't just any ordinary day. It is the day that the Lord has made. If that is the only reason to rejoice then that is the best reason in the world. That God made today for me and He put me in today for such a time as this. By moping around the house (note I didn't say mopping, I don't mop, I shop) I haven't achieved anything joyful today. I didn't tell anyone about Jesus. I didn't smile at a stranger and have them smile back. I didn't extend kindness and friendliness because I was so busy being sour.

Still parts of me wants to just sulk and be miserable with the world but that is exactly where Satan wants me. He wants me to be miserable and ungrateful so that I will forget to count my blessings. He wants me to forget what God has done for me and he wants me to forget who my God is and how mighty and powerful He. The more negative I become the more I want to give up.

I love how God speaks to me. How He always finds a way to tell me how much He loves me and cares for me. He is aware of where I am and when I am far from Him He isn't very far from me.

So today, the day Lord has made in this I will rejoice.

Why don't you embrace today with me for what it is, a gift from our Heavenly Father. Rejoice me over the amazing things that will happen today and the amazing things He has done in the those days gone by that He also made.

I am coming up to 6000 views on my Blog! Even though I did not post last week the traffic to my Blog has continued and I am so thankful. Thank you all for your support.
I am thankful that God has chosen to use my paintings to bless others. I am thankful that He has made me to have a lot of unique talents and has made able to adapt well to anything He has asked me to do and to apply all I learn to every aspect of my life.
I am thankful that today He has laid this message on my heart to you and for myself.

If you are finding it difficult to rejoice today can I ask that you stop, take a deep breath and tell God that you are ready to hear from Him and that you are fixing your eyes on Him right now and off your situation. Then think of 2 things that have happened today that you are thankful for. It doesn't have to be big. Just that you had breakfast today and that you have clean clothes or that you are breathing and are able to come to God whenever you want. Start small and soon you will realize that this really is the day the Lord and you can and will rejoice and be glad in it.

Bringing Hope to a Younger Generation

Titus 2:1-6   Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

There is always someone watching you. There is always someone who needs to be taught what you have learned. There is always someone who has never been loved the way you have that you can share that love with.

I have probably blogged something similar before but something that has happened recently has got me thinking about my attitude and my very narrow world.

I have come across and have had people in my life who have not had the same life I have had. Basic things I have taken for granted. Born into a Christian family. The Easter bunny guaranteed every Easter and Santa every Christmas. Milestones were celebrated. My life was far from perfect and still isn't but I always had someone cheering me on and supporting me and doing their best for me.

Now that I am married and have my own children I see my life and am very grateful for what God has done in my life but it can't stop there. It must not stop there.

There are people in this world who have never learned how to care for and love their children. There are children out there who have been abandoned by their very own parents.

So what can we do about it?

This is what we can do. Don't walk out on the troublesome teen. Don't walk out on the unruly child. You might just be that very person they trust. If you walk out on them and do not value the place and purpose you have in their lives you are just going to be another person who has walked out on them.

There is always someone watching you and wanting to be like you. It may be hard to believe but I do feel we don't fully understand the impact we have on others lives. Don't you remember a time where all you wished for is someone to be on your side and come along side you and help you through the stuff of life.

What people need is hope. They need to know that you are committed and that you will be consistent and keep your promises. They want to know you care about them. You may think this is a lot of responsibility but I don't think it is. Aside from loving God we are told to love our neighbours as ourselves and by the increase of selfies I say we love ourselves a whole lot so how about we spread that love and put an arm around those that need hope and take some "groupies". Make people a part of your life.

Yes we are busy and yes we would rather not go to another youth thing where we feel awkward because we are old(er). When our week has been busy and we are tired and we don't want to go out and feel out of place with a generation that we don't have much in common with other than that we were there once a long time ago.

I pray I never forget what it was like growing up and all the teen stuff and all the feelings I went through. I am glad they are behind me and I never have to go through it again (although other challenges lay ahead of me I am sure) but I want to be able to help another girl with her journey. I want to show her who Jesus is through my actions and through my commitment to her and her future and in the way I love.

You can never know by simply looking at another person what they are going through or what their lives have been like up until that point. But if you never take the time out to reach out you will never know and you will never be able to help and give out advice that is much needed.

It is scary going through this life and you may be a child's only hope.

This may not be what God is calling you to do but I feel really strongly that I am to help young girls. I have 4 of my own and I wish that everyone had the life my girls have. I am not a perfect mother, I get it wrong, I blow it so many times a day but they do not have the worries that some children have. They do not have to worry about mum and dad being there for them when they wake up in the morning. They do not worry about what they will have for lunch that day or the fact that they did not have breakfast. They have shoes they choose not to wear and a bed and a roof over their heads, none of which they have ever had to worry about. The kitchen is always full of food, magically and they get what they ask for (within reason, candy before dinner is never an option).

It simply breaks my heart that their are kids that worry. Kids that will wait for Santa to come and he won't come.

You can't make everyone happy but I won't quit trying because of one person who really didn't want me around. I will save it for those who are desperately praying to God for an answer to their loneliness and need for guidance.

I hope someone out there knows what it is I am trying to say. If God is calling you to something do it well and with a servant heart. Don't complain about being tired and not wanting to do it (and I am like that sometimes so I am not only talking to you) My attitude has got to change from what I am called to do to the people I am called to serve and love. The responsibility I have to others is so much greater than whether or not I feel like it today or not. I shouldn't be doing things because I have to or even want to but out of a place of love. Love what Jesus loves. Love who Jesus loves.

If you kind of understood what I was trying to say here please let me know either on Facebook or in the comments below. I would really like to hear some feedback.

Almost 2 in the morning here so better head off to bed.

Blessings for the weekend.
Love Tamryn

Quitting When You Need to Push

John 16:21  It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world.

Yes I know this is a very strange title and scripture. I am going to write a bit about birth and what I experienced when I had my 4 babies and how that applies to what I am going through now and what I feel some of you are going through now.

I have 4 daughters and had 3 of them without any painkillers but for my first I did have a bit of pain before I had an epidural and even then I could feel the contractions faintly. I will spare you all the gory details but I was reflecting on this this week.

I have felt like quitting what I am doing right now. I have asked God to use me and now that He is and I am about to "birth" something new in my spiritual life I want to quit. The exact same thing happened when I was in a transition in labour with each of my girls. Baby was just a few minutes away from being born it was all going to be over very soon and I was going to feel the joy of meeting my little baby. However I had this irrational thought to get up and walk out that hospital. There was no going back at this point but I had gotten to a point where I felt I just couldn't do it.

The words "I can't do it let's just go home" came out of my mouth between contractions but it was those around me who encouraged me to keep going and I said a little prayer and I think I prayed in tongues too for extra measure. Something rose up in me and I resolved to push through (pun intended). I pushed through and very soon after baby was in my arms.

I have had some many dreams of being pregnant or birthing and as some of you know dreams about being pregnant or giving birth is about a new ministry or new thing that God is bringing into your life.

I asked God why I was feeling like quitting. Should I quit and if not what am I to do about this?
This is the answer I have been getting through the week and on Sunday at church through the messages that were shared at both our services.

First question was why do I want to quit? The answer, because it is about comfort. I want to quit so that I can go back to being just stay at home mum and housewife when life was more comfortable than it is now. This is interesting because I really felt that why I was just a SAHM and Housewife that there was more to my life. Being a mum and a wife are very important but I felt God was saying I had a capacity for more.

Motherhood is great and so is being a wife. They have their challenges but I am now other things too. I have grown and been stretched. But now it is time for a new wine skin and to extend the tent pegs.

Labour is painful and it is at it's worst right before the baby is born. What I am saying is that if you feel like quitting maybe it is because you are tired and in pain and feel like you can't go on but that is because you are almost there. You may just be one last push away or one last step away from seeing the fruit of your labour.

We need to see beyond the here and now and see the more that God has for us.

So the answer to the next question "what am I to do?" I am not going to quit. I am actually quite excited to see what is around the next corner. I am going to press on a little bit longer until the anguish gives way to joy because of the new thing birthed in my life.